Vacation was good. I guess it’s good to get back to the real world (not), but I truly enjoyed some time off just to “chill”. David and I both needed some down time. I am better at the whole relaxing thing than he is….I think he mowed 5 out of 7 days…but I think in some ways that is relaxing to him….me? Sitting by or in the pool reading a book…..that is relaxing!
Yesterday I was looking back on some old posts as I was thinking about Matthew, his birthday and how in a lot of ways how my life seemed to start over in 2004. That was the year I started blogging. It was the year my mind started opening up and really questioning everything I had previously believed to be solid ground. It has been a fun and perplexing journey…and apparently a journey that never ends. There is not going to be a big comfortable pew for me to settle into one day. Following God is not supposed to be about comfort or for that matter about me! I just want to let Him use me, for His glory, for His purposes.
It is difficult to explain to anyone, especially those who never, ever, think outside of the box, but that is okay. I can accept that I am not easy to understand; especially since I so seldom understand myself. I was talking to a friend on the tennis courts last night. She is volunteering at The Link. This is something I have thought about doing. But as I read over the areas that they have to serve I realize I have all of that potential in my own family. I have carried the triplets to church with me the last two Sundays. They loved it. This past Sunday they even got themselves up and got ready on their own. I could not mentor another child when my own need me. I am trying to get more and more involved. I want to make a difference in their lives. I want them to remember me. I mostly want them to know God. So, while I may never settle into one pew or thing, maybe I can use my ever changing journey to bring others along with me.
Then there is my Mom. Just this morning she told me that she needed to hire someone to clean her house. I told her I could do that! But she would not hear of it, says I have too much…. whatever. But caring for her is a priority for me, and she truly needs me. But she is one of the ones who simply cannot accept that I have changed. Her definition of walking with God is black and white…no grey! But this morning in my devotional time covering the book of Romans, the point was made that Jesus would not be put in a box. He was bigger than all of our thoughts and ideas. The Jews could be accepted as could the Gentiles…that is what Romans was about! No one earns salvation. It is a gift. Our acceptance of that gift prompts us to show our appreciation, but we are not working to earn it….we can’t work that hard! EVER! None of us.
The last few years have been very, very hard, but they have also been very, very good. Sometimes I don’t think I can get through the day without breaking down, and sometimes I just do, but there is so much good. God will not leave me without comfort. However, I must accept the saying I heard on the radio yesterday….. “sometimes we are like a glow-stick: we can’t really show light until we are broken!”
It’s hard to believe that I have been “Mimi” for 11 years today! My sweet Matthew changed my life forever on this day in 2004. Today he is a smart, funny wonderful kid that still makes me smile. Yesterday I took him to see Ant Man for his birthday. I also let him pick where we went for lunch…(Cici’s Pizza….definitely not my first choice!).
He makes me smile and laugh and he makes me proud. Hard to believe that I had so much love stored up in side of me…the other seven get their fair share too, but it all started with this fine young man. Happy Birthday Matthew
I am taking a much needed vacation next week!
So it’s Friday….about 10 minutes until I get off….I Am doing a happy dance….
No specific plans, just going to chill and be a bum for a week! Can’t wait!
Along with the death of my dear Mullis yesterday, we lost one of Keith and David’s classmates last night to the storm. Randy Blackwood was putting his lawnmower away when he was hit by a limb of a tree and died from the injuries.
My pre-sleep thoughts and my dreams were filled with the dead. I once more missed my Daddy terribly. I relived the last year of my life in short burst, then my dreams were filled with Mullis helping me do things….things that did not make sense upon awakening and that were very stressful in my sleep. I awoke with a strange sense of loss.
Mom and I were discussing some things yesterday and I was trying to remember events that happened in 1980. I sure wish I had been better at writing things down then. You think you will never forget….but you do. The fact that I had my first child in early1981 changed everything. But there is even much of their childhood that I just do not remember. Anyway, I guess that is why I stubbornly persevere with the old blog. I like going back and reading about what was going on…the facts and the feelings.
I just want to make it more concise. That will be my goal in the next few months. My thoughts are scattered and censored. I would prefer that they just be raw but together. Maybe I can even pull all of that together. We will see.
There was an article I read last night on Facebook about being patient with your parents when they ask you the same thing over and over. I imagine that would go to all the things they ask of you that is somewhat frustrating. Nothing can make me forget that I am a grown up faster than my mother scolding me for something. However, I am a grown up, and it is my duty to always treat her with love and respect….even when I feel like she might not respect my choices. I know that she only tells me because she loves me and thinks it is what is best for me. She really is a good woman.
I just got a call that Mullis Williams has died. She was the definition of a beautiful woman, inside and out. Her husband Luke was the minister that married me and David. I loved them both very much. They never had children though they wanted them so, but they made all of us kids that came into their lives feel special. I know they are having a great singing reunion in Heaven. Mullis had the most beautiful alto voice I ever heard. Sadly her last few years were ravaged by the curse of Alzheimer’s. But her beautiful spirit was still shining through. In early 1995 we traveled together to Germany. I was going with my Mom and Dad to visit Bruce and Carla and She was going to see her nephew Mike. As I watched her on the plane I realized she was the kind of woman that I wanted to be. She had a gracious manner and a welcoming smile that was shared with everyone she came in contact with. I still am not close, but I can say that I have a beautiful woman to pattern myself after. She will be missed. The world was a better place for having her in it.
I am a reader. I like reading almost anything. But I am one of those people who is influenced by what I read. Some things are easy to brush off as rubbish, but sometimes my curiosity and “need to know” kicks into overdrive and I must determine if what I have read is real…or not!
For that reason I avoid some books. I do not care to fill my brain with thoughts of vampires or other such useless things. I do not have a problem with fiction that is not plausible, but I need to know there is at least an undercurrent of goodness and a moral to the story (I read the Percy Jackson books, Gregor and the Underlanders as well as Harry Potter… me and Matthew enjoy discussing these). But some books are better left un-read by me. For instance, no matter how many times I am told there is a really good story in “50 Shades of Gray” … I will not read it. My mind does not need any help running amuck.
Having said all of that I decided to finally break down and read “The Da Vinci Code”. I really wish I had stuck to my guns and not read it. While my faith is strong enough to deal with challenges, there are just some things I would rather not think about. I will admit the book is well written with a great air of suspense and intrigue. But there are some topics I would prefer to leave un-fictionalized. I will finish it, but I think in the future I will stick to my guns on the books I refuse to read.
Seldom does losing feel as good… Me and a partner I had never played with lost to a couple of less than 20 year olds.., one of whom was number one in state at Cullman high school a couple of years ago… I will take that!! I could almost be his grandmother… Ha!